I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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