Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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