She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
