I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
