its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize