i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
