I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
