Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
