I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
