and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
