That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
