oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
