The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
