just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
