her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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