she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
