you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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