so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i think my cat just said my name.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
