Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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