Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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