did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
