How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
