I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
false alarm, still single
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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