Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
