Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
