...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
