is your mom at the bar?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
