The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
