ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
