i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
