Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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