I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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