I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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