Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
