My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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