shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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