I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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