....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
