It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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