Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
