did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
