I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
