just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize