So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
