he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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