Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
