Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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