i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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