She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
