Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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