all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
