When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
