i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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