My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
