Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
