I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize