the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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