wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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