One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
