you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
