I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
