i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The Olympian is in my bed
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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