I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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