Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
