Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
