Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
