some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
