The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
