im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
