He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
