iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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