Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
