Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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