Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
