So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
