Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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