Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
