She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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