Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
