college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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