Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
