her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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