My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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