Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
