If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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