You surviving the open bar?
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It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
