So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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