i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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