I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
