You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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