Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
