Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we're chasing vodka with high fives
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
