You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
