Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize