thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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