hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize