I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
