I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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