you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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