you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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