Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
