He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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