I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
