Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
