I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
