made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
