So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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