So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
