I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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