The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
