Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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