I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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